It is a waste of your individual *divine* beauty to give validity to comparison.
Over the next couple of days you’re going to see your friends/family/randoms’ 2020 highlight reels and you’ll be tempted to feel like a pile of dog shit. That voice that says “you’re not enough” will start to get a little louder with every account you read of another’s greatness. Tapping you on the shoulder over and over just to make sure you notice her and all her opinions about you compared to them…
I should have sold more homes.
I fell off my exercise program meanwhile she got abs this year.
My marriage isn’t as good as theirs.
I didn’t get engaged and have no one to wear matching pj’s with except this feral cat I trapped that scratched the shit out of my cornea.
They look so great, while I look like a jello poured into a trash bag.
She made her kids a Montessori classroom at home this year while I made my kids chicken nuggets and allowed them to watch unlimited TV just so I could stop myself from drinking bleach.
It is dumb for me to say “stop comparing yourself” as if you can just throw a switch and that voice will be gone – it’s engrained in so many of us and reinforced all around us AND so many of us use these comparisons as a poor source of “motivation.” However it IS possible to notice the voice, acknowledge and then decide a different conversation. You can choose not to be a victim to it and over time come to know the truth, not just in words but in living.
Here’s what I have been doing. Every time I notice that conversation starting within me, I don’t fight with it. I acknowledge it, do a little pat on the head as if to say “hey girl, I hear you thanks for your input BUT what you’re saying isn’t true for me anymore.” Then I remind myself, sometimes out loud like a REALLLLL psychopath, that if I truly believe that I am a unique expression of the divine then there is no other for me to be measured against. Just as I would never compare my son to another and wish him to be different, I am just as treasured, precious, and unique. I am here to make my own way, impact and have no need to walk in someone else’s shadow doing my best impression of them. Doing “better” or “worse” than someone else is me validating a measuring tape that I created in my own head, that creates a temporary fix of fake enoughness or not enoughness- victimhood in practice – slowly sipping a poison I made and then wondering why my unique spirit is gradually diminishing.
I am actively being different with this, despite the effort it takes. I would rather work on this and reap the benefits of feeling more and more settled and content with me *and me alone* than to continue the world’s worst hamster wheel of chasing other’s achievements.
Besides, living in someone else’s shadow isn’t living at all and I’m committed to living.
Fuck Comparisons, K?